The taste of Red Wine and Tears

I sit.  My eyes hurt.  I can think of nothing else... I feel myself zoning out.  I've cried until I had no more tears, and then cried some more.  Calm creeps up and then is drowned by another tide of grief.  I wasn't supposed to lose her this way.  It was supposed to be slow, giving me time to adjust.  She was supposed to gradually get old, eventually needing me to help her up the stairs, followed by moments when we'd think "this is it" just to have her rally and be good for another few months.  I was supposed to be able to slowly accept that I'd lose her... some day.  Not this day.  And not this way.

I sip the deep red wine... lick the salt from my lips left behind my tears. I still feel the weight of her head on my leg as we cuddle on the couch, I can feel the soft hair of her cheeks, I can see her jaunty tail wag as she took point on the trail ahead.  I remember the chomping of her meal at midnight, as we're trying to sleep, because she can't eat if we might do something, so she'd wait until we were all safely tucked in bed and she could relax.  I remember how she would come back down the line to check on me (or Jeff) if we fell behind, or how she worried when things weren't quite right.  She was smarter than many people, kinder than most, and the best thing on this mountain.  She had no guile, no selfishness, no desire for anything except our approval. 

And I can't help but feel that it's our fault she's dead.  We moved back here... we brought her with us.  Even knowing that even being in the same county as HIM was potentially dangerous.  We left the job before, because of him and his poison.  Why did we think returning, it would somehow be different?  It is his self-absorption, arrogance and conceit that caused it.  He ran her over, even though being yelled at to stop.  And, to prove his utter lack of regard, he calls it a "bummer"?  Seriously?

And so, I sit.  Tasting dark wine and tears.  Waiting for the grief and anger and disbelief to all fade into some sort of acceptance and gentle memory.

Sleigh Ride Dinners

What a crazy winter this was!  For much of December, Jeff was plowing ridiculous hours (as much as 18 hour days, many days in a row) as the snow started & just never stopped.  At the same time, he was trying to drive sleigh on Monday's at Lone Mountain Ranch where I was cooking for the nightly sleigh ride dinner.  Sometimes he made it, sometimes not.  But, things finally slowed down for him in January & he was able to get his "horse fix" in more often. 

In the meantime, I was also working a lot.. and I was sick most of the time.  But, I do enjoy the job and so it could have been worse.  I originally hired on for 2 days / week but before we even got started, their "full time" cook quit and so I was working a lot of days until they hired someone else.  But, the new guy had never cooked before in his life, so I spent some time training him (which was only partially successful, but he made it through the season) until he could take on his 4 days.  BUT.. he was only there about 3-4 weeks before he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks for emergency surgery and then had another 2 week recover... so guess who was filling in again?  While STILL sick.. ugh.  But, mid-February, things finally got back to somewhat normal.  

So, what did the sleigh ride entail?  A LOT of work, mostly.  But, pretty fun too.  Here's a "short" overview of how a typical day progressed.

First, I nearly always arrived at 12:30 to start preparing the meal for as many 58 guests.  We serve a full prime rib dinner, and I do ALL of it.  Also, all of the food is stored downstairs at the ranch, so EVERYTHING gets packed up the stairs to the kitchen.  

Over the course of the afternoon, I make 15-20 trips downstairs & back up with ingredients.  I prep the Primes, mix up the dough, start soup, all hopefully by 2pm.  The next 2 hours are spent making potatoes, dessert and mushrooms.  At 4pm I start "finishing" everything, moving to clean /serving pans.  At 4:45, load everything into back of gator.  Drive up the hill to cabin.

At the cabin, I first check the big wood cookstove & restock with wood.  

Then, unload everything & get out pans for bread so they can warm a little on the stove before I put rolls on them.  Put primes on baking sheets & into ovens to cook more.  Put mushrooms on stove, get Au Jus going. 

Warming the baking sheets as they're always cold

Roll out rolls (around 120 for 50-ish people) and let rise on stove.

First I cut off a chuck, flatten it a little & then cut into pieces close to what I need for each roll.

Then I roll out the rolls & put on baking sheets

Check wood again

Set rolls to rise on ledge of stove........

... or wherever I can find room

Get soup out of bucket into another big pot.  (Veggie tonight!)

Check wood again

Check rolls... looking good!  About ready to go in oven.  :)

Get coffee going... COWBOY coffee... the BEST

Takes a fair amount of different sizes to keep the monster fed!

MORE wood & put rolls in oven

Red Mashers tonight... go on bottom of oven to stay warm

Make sure all my necessary utensils & bread baskets are ready

Prep any special soups for allergy issues

Check rolls

Prep broccolini for oven

check rolls AGAIN

Add wood... AGAIN

Check mushrooms

Rolls are DONE... pretty huh?

They look great in the baskets  :)

Fill baskets for tables

Light outdoor lanterns

At about this point, I put broccolini in the oven, finish off the remaining pans of rolls, prep any special requests (fish, chicken, veggie dishes).  When everything else is done, I put desserts back in oven.

Then, they call & say they're loading up, so we light inside lanterns & candles

What dessert will look like when it's served... Spiced Apple Cake tonight, with fresh whipped cream.  YUM

The Prime when I get ready to carve it. 

So... what are the teamsters (i.e., Jeff) doing while I am cooking all day?  One of them and hostess come on shift at 2pm & feed / water horses.  Then come to kitchen & get some supplies after which they head to the cabin & set all the tables, get the cookstove going, stock wood & clean bathroom & shovel.. etc.  Then, they head back down & hang out awhile.  Hostess does seating chart & hangs out awhile too.  Around 6:00 they start getting teams ready.

Here's Paul with one of the teams

Larry & Curly (Jeff's team for the night)

Charlie likes his goodies!

Those big boys take a lot of brushing!

What sweet babies!

PUSH... Many will help as you put on their collar

Jeff throwing harness up a LONG way

Josie's not sure about these behemoths.. she'll just wait right here

Paul working on his team

Bruce getting his team ready

Some are easier to bridle than others

Blankets readied on sleigh - gotta keep those guests warm!

Kristy keeping an eye on the guys, making sure they're doing everything right.

"Back!  "Back!"

Positioning to hook up

Stepping into place

Hooking to sleigh

Everyone's ready for the warm up run

They load up guests a little before 7pm & head out, which is when they call on the radio & let me know they're on their way.  I finish up my last minute tasks, maybe eat a quick bowl of soup (surprisingly, I eat VERY little when I'm working.  A bowl of cereal before & after work & maybe some soup & a roll while there). 
 
Then, the guests & teamsters & Musician & Hostess all arrive with a big blast of cold air in the front door.  Many make a beeline for the hot cookstove to warm their hands, & then start hanging coats & hats and figuring out which table they've been seated at.  As they are settling, the Hostess and I (Kristy tonight) are opening wine bottles and picking up wine glasses from those who don't need them.   Once they're settled, she and I and the Musician (Bruce tonight), start serving soup & bread.  After which, I give my "spiel":

A welcome & intro of course, followed by:
"Ok, here's the MOST important piece of information you'll get ALL night.. is everyone listening?  The facilities are located out the front door and to the right.  Don't go left.. that second step is a doozy.  We DO have the best outhouse in about a 4-state area.  Feel free to take pictures - group pictures are allowed - and share them on Instagram or whatever floats your boat.  (always good laughs through this).  As a matter of fact, I think Bruce (or Rick as the night calls for) was telling me he saw it featured recently in... what publication was that Bruce?"
He steps up... "Oh!  Yes, I saw a full page feature in Outhouse Beautiful.  Do you know that magazine?"
I smile & nod at the crowd & move on with "And, the outhouse IS heated... by natural gas... which means it's warmer some nights than others.. so I'll let you all look around & make your own determination on THAT." (many groans here)
"Well, let me introduce you to the outlaw crew" I continue.  "Here we have Bruce (or Rick)".  I always tell how many years they've been with us, what else they do, what founts of knowledge they are on western music & history & how lucky we are to have him.  Follow with intro of Hostess (Kristy or Claudia) and a joke about what a celebrity they are: "Most of you don't know this, because she keeps it quiet, but she is a celebrity in her own right!  You know how many of those big names get drafted into the NBA right out of high school?  Well, she was drafted right into the U.D.B.L.... the United Donkey Basketball League!  (laughs, applause)  You oughta see her huck those donkey's.. it's amazing!"
Finally.. "I'm Sara, and I'll be your cook tonight, so we'll just apologize for that up front!" (I add the last especially if I'm trying to cook fish or chicken at the same time as I'm giving the spiel.)
Then, I give them the cabin history (30 some years old, from logs on site, dragged by draft horses & constructed.  Similar to old time log homes, and with lanterns & candles & wood stove gives them a taste of those old days.   History on stove (built for Northern Pacific Railway for their cook car in late 1800's, only 8 ever made, & how it works).  "Can you imagine briefly, coming over the plains, about July in one of those metal boxes with THIS monster going?  It'd be your own little slice of hell..." (usually some laughs here).  I also give a warning "There is only ONE thing hotter in this room than the stove... anyone know what it is?" Usually someone says "You?" which is nice, but ... No.  "That little dish on your table.. do NOT mix that up with the butter!  It's horseradish & it's the hottest stuff you've ever had.  One little dab will keep you warm the whole week - you probably won't even need coats & hats!"
I finish up with the menu for the night, introduce Bruce or Rick, admonish everyone to be as quiet as possible while he's playing and then turn it over to him for some songs.  Once he's done, we serve dinner & dessert.  Then he plays a few more songs & we're done!  Well, the guests leave anyway.  The hostess and I do all the clean up (Teamsters did dishes while they were there, but all glasses & silverware & pitchers, etc., need done).  I wash glasses by hand while she clears & cleans out front.  We load everything up & back down the hill we go.  We usually head home between 11 and 11:30... so about an 11 hour day for me, NO breaks or stops.  NOW you know why I'm tired all the time!  :)